So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
