Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
