Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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