It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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