I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
