but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
