I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
