Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
