help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
