I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize