We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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