So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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