I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
