I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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