I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
