Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
