I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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