I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
do herpes really smell.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Rumble strips road head = magical
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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