I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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