drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize