Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
did you just send me my own nude
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
