hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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