I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
