How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
