It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
