he shaved USA in his pubs
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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