how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
