I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
