My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
