I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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