I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
