I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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