You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I accidentally burped into my bong.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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