party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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