what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
