that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
