I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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