I didn't shave. On purpose
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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