wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
