Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
