Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize