There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
