Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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