he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
