First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
