Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
