Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It was like getting head from an anaconda
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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