Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
