Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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