the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
