You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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