But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
