Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
