Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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