He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
mondays should just be called national damage control day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
