No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
