then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
