First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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