She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Randomize
