Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
