I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
