My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
