I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
