She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
