Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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