My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
