Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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