I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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