it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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