I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
