You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
