Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
