Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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