I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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