sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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