I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
