I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
