And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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