Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
