i need an iv and a liver transplant
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
