Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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