You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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