M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
