i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize