i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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