I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
