I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He better not be in your backpack
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
