I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
