so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Randomize
