Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize