boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Damn victory sex feels great
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
