the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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