What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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