why didn't you poke me back
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
