I wanna passion pit in your ass
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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