you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize