She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This house was built for laser tag.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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