Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
