well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
