How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize