why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
