Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
