Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
