Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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