I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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