Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
