I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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