Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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