This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
