I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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