Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Randomize
