youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
