Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
