How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
